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The fires are started andmusic begins. The women's choir started an ancient song, repeating everysecond word. The rhythm and singing is speeding up, slowly coming to acrescendo. That means it is time for me to enter. I have no fear. Rightnow, I'm not an unsuccessful b-grade actor, I'm not a disappointment tomy family, I'm an ancient pagan female god, powerful and beautiful.The fact that for most of the play I don't have to interact with othersonly makes it easier for me. My concentration is perfect, I have nothoughts, I'm acting. I'm moving around the big fire, moving faster andfaster. The fire is burning for me, the music is played for me, the starsand the moon are for me. I'm a Slavonic tribal girl chosen to impersonateMakosha. Or even better, I'm Makosha a powerful goddess, protector ofwomen, bride of Perun. I'm getting the groove; the music is controllingmy body. I feel my wig on my shoulders and the hem of the dress on mylegs. I'm spinning around and around.Acting is everything. I started suggesting and he listened. I used to shed lots of tears at home and I did the same here too, but the feelings of why it came, was different. I felt confidence building inside me. I could have never imagined asking him about going with my friends for trekking but I did. I looked at him and said, ‘Can I go with my friends for trekking? It is only for two nights. I won’t do anything stupid and will come back as soon as I can. Or you could call me if you want me here and I will come back here sooner.’ My mom asked about going out with her friends fo for some religious purpose and I still remember my dad’s expression. My husband made the same. He looked at me disgusted. He was clearly angry. I felt naked in front of him for the first time but little did I know, he was going to teach me to not be shameful when I am naked. ‘Ghauri’, he said frustrated, ‘how many times have I told you that you are my wife? Why are you taking my permission like that? Like you are a prisoner? In.
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